The loser

everytime i fail, i am bound to succeed,
this success i know is bound to retrieve.
my life has become a vicious circle
i neither cherish failure nor success....

They say accidents make opportunities, failures lead to success, darkness is followed by light, night by sun,in essence its the bad that leads to good and so make us believe that bad is not as bad as it seems to be.

Now sitting in this class for " seismic and wind analysis for column design" i was just analysing the analogous failures and the analogous forces that led to the failures in my life.Starting with the failures , there were many which i could think of in first thought. Be it in studies, relations, career,friends,sports etc. etc.... i have had plenty of them and the most recent , two consecutive ones in CAT.But as me being an ardent fan of Mr Devanand " mai zindigi ka saath nibhata chala gaya, har zakhm ko dhune mein udata chala gay.. jo mil gaya usi ko mukaddar samjh liye, jo naa mila use ,mai bhulata chala gaya". So following this philosophy,in retrospect all other failure have nullified, ofcourse except the last one.

Now coming to the analogous forces, as in colums there are always two types of loads acting on a person i.e static and dynamic.Now the static are the steady forces acting unidirectionally leading to bending of the person i.e a man loses his false sense of ego or atttiude and come to terms with life.But as all my engineer friends know, dynamic loads which are more dangerous acts in both direction and swings a person between the extremes of success and failures.That leads to the fatigue loading and an early finish.

So my life deals with the latter one, and hence everytime i come to terms with my life, some success small or big brings me back to my default state.Now some can understand why my successes which were always led by big failures are more dangerous as compared to the people who have been a bit less successful but even lesser a loser than me.The only problem with dynamic forces is that if it leads you to good time then it will definitely make you bounce back to the time you fear.

But then as i started" bad is not as bad as it seems to be" every bad will lead to some hope and the life continues.........

Being egoist

after a long break...comes the reason to write......reason to glorify, glorify something like selfishness.

As Ayn Rand puts it " man's ego is the fountainhead of human progress". Here ego stands for me, me and only me. Now the oxford defines egoist as "a person who thinks or talks too much about himself or herself".But thinking or talking can hardly play any role in justifying human progress.Actions can.So going by the Rand's statement its the actions that defines human ego or the vice versa?

Now my Ego pushes me to think does my actions define human progress or is it just another ego with small 'e'.Who is actually an Egoist?

Now if i dont care about whoever is reading it or for whose sake am i writing then i am an egoist, if opinions doesnt matter but reasons do then i am an egoist,if appreciation is as awful as criticism then i am an egoist,if failure doesnt exist and success doesnt effect then i am an egoist.

If i dont care about the human progress or human destruction, yes then i am an egoist.

A new born child, an uncut diamond, the drops of dew, the unrevealed island,the unscaled peaks all of these not distorted by anyone, untouched are the real Egoist.

Egoism doesnt implies progress, egoism doesnt implies selfishness, it even doesnt implies selflessness, egoism is purity, individualism with capital 'I'.