Live to love, that’s what holds you when everything falls apart

Sometimes everything you do, everything you think, everything you believe doesn’t turn out the way you expect them to be. You suddenly turn out to be an immature underserving lad existing because of sheer chance and no talent. First your luck ditches you, then the confidence and then possibly everything else.

Everyone goes through this phase of life. The phase when the world makes you dis-believe in yourself. Now its not important what you do to get out through this phase, because anything you do, it wont make a difference. May be only thing you can do is to remember Chris Gardener saying to his son, that let no body tell you what you can’t do in life..,,,if you got a dream you have to protect it. That’s all about having faith, faith that eventually things will turn out right, faith that it won’t last forever, faith that there’s someone up there keeping a watch on you, and will hold you when you fall. Faith which your family and friends have in you. Faith once you had in yourself. Faith to survive and faith to last longer than they expect you to be.

One you go through those times, you will realize that the relationships which you least care about in your hay days are the one which matters the most. The comforting word of a friend, the advice of your father, the care of your mom, the love of your spouse, the hand on the shoulder that tells you, don’t worry, I am there even if you fail for whatever reason it be, are the most precious treasure you could ever had. These are the stuff that gives you the strength to fight and survive through all the conspiracy against you.

Spend your life making friends, loving a woman, caring about your siblings, respecting your parents, helping a needy, worshipping a God, believing in goodness. You will not last forever, you will lose, your money will ditch you, your time will change, but the things mentioned above will always stay with you.

Love is the most beautiful gift, God bestowed to humans, make the maximum out of it.

Life@Mumbai

Still remember, it was 17th of July 2008, and i moved to this city Mumbai, whose only reference i had was from bollywood movies. I was still bit reluctant, unsure, confused and everything else but excited. I had no expectations, but just a wish that i want to be back once i am done with my mba. In my stay of about five and a half years, mumbai has given me a lot and taken a few years of my life. It was the first time i was independent, lived life the way i wanted to, experienced things which i had only heard about, met people i never imagined they exist, and actually lived a real life by myself. All could not be told but to name a few, my first stay at hostel, then as an independent individual in outside world, my first night out, long hour parties, clubs, discs, first corporate job, first salary, Marriage, first flat.....and the list goes on, happened all here in span of these 5 and a half year. 

The city is sure a city of dreams, the dreams which we only imagine in an unconscious mind, but all that is real over here. You can never love mumbai, with unlimited infra and political issues. But then the City has its own charisma, a kind of magnet which pulls you towards it. Its difficult to hate mumbai once you have spent a considerable amount of time here. 

Today while moving back to the place where i belong, all those flashes of special moments in this city are flashing before me. And i could just smile and be thankful that i stayed in the most happening city of India for a good span of 6 years. It was a real ride, not less than any roller coaster. Still remember all those days of pursuits, searching for a room to live or place to party. I am happy that i am coming back and may be the call of the time was that. Its an end of some phase of my life, a very interesting and happening one. The time when i lived my life to fullest as per my way as per my wish. I was the master of my destiny in  true sense with no one to tell me right or wrong. I made mistakes, and learnt stuff but today i am no longer the shy 21 year old lad unsure of myself. I am a changed person, may be a bit old and mature and with different priorities in life.

I may be born in Delhi, but in real sense i have grown up in Mumbai. These 6 years were the most happening years of my life and Mumbai will always be a second home.

Turning 27

Sometimes  one is in a phase of life, when he is trying to search who he really is, i am currently in one.  You complete your education, you get a job, you know where you stand in life, you get married, you know almost most of the things you spend your adolescence thinking about. And now you are 27 with all your fanciful notions and dreams happening or not happening in front of you. The veil has dropped down and life is naked in front of you. The only thing you think about is NOW WHAT?

They say that past is reflection of your future and the history is what repeats itself.  You have seen your parents raising you up, working most of their life, making sacrifices to keep you happy, saving for a better tomorrow, never too enthusiastic about anything, responsible, serious and almost dull. And you always thought i will never live like that, i will fly, i will live, i will never be serious and dull, come what may i will live life my way. How true?

And now when you look at your life isn’t that what you ought to do. Isn’t that more sensible and logical. Life is not a dream walk, it’s a journey of logical and meaningful steps. It’s not a rosy and fun filled ride, coz it’s not supposed to be like that. And for God’s sake stop expecting it to be like that. You have to let go some dreams, you have to be practical, you have to be empathetic to others, you have to make sacrifices and you have to come in terms with your destiny. Being inebriated for an evening is one thing, spending life senselessly is another.

By this i don’t mean that you should stop dreaming or accept your fate in whatever way it comes. But pragmatism is the philosophy i am trying to highlight here. How your parents spent their lives does make sense and you are a prodigy of those efforts and sacrifices. Be ready to lose, to face criticism, to let your ego go. Sometimes the beauty is in losing and waiting for your turn.

Kuch Khwaab Kuch Kisse...jo sach ho na sake :)

Jo kisse sach ho na sake wo hamare the,

dariyaan mein behte hue kuch kinaare the,

manzilon se milne ki zid bhi hamari thi,

aur tufaanon se ulajhne ke shauk bhi hamare hi the...

Ye jo toot gaya sheesha usme ek tasveer bhi thi,

par tootna us sheeshe ki takdeer bhi thi,

bikhre hue tukro mein chehra abhi bhi ek hi hai,

maathe pe lakeere hazaaron hai par labon par hasi ek hi hai...

Nadiya mein utara hu to samunder tak jaunnga,

aag lag hi gayi hai to poore shahar ko jalaauga,

nadiyaan mein behte hue kuch puraane kasbe bhi hoge,

jalte hue shahar mein kuch ghar mere apne bhi hoge...

Kaali raaton mein bhi saath mere meri parchaayi hoti hai,

roz sunvaayi hoti hai roz kaarwaayi hoti hai,

meri parchaayi mujhse hi sawaal aur jawaab karti hai,

saja bhi mujhko milti hai aur meri hi rihaayi hoti hai...

Tooten hue paymaano mein mey bachi abhi bhi thi,

behek gaye kadam par manzilon pe nazar abhi bhi thi,

jo pee na sake jo paa na sake takdeer mein nahi tha shayad,

bhar gaye zakhm par dil mein chot abhi bhi thi...

A girl named Ujjwala

I may not be a great writer, great marketer or anything related to great, but what i am writing below is worth mentioning and worth knowing.

Most of us are the kind of people who believe in goodness, righteousness and virtuous deeds, but one thing which all of us are fond of is cribbing. We actually crib about everything in life, whether it be more work less work, good food bad food, nice weather bad weather, have a girlriend don't have a girlfriend, practically any damn possible thing. We are just not happy about anything which we have or we don't have. As if we get a sense of happiness in feeling ourselves the most unfortunate and miserable person in the whole universe. I wonder sometimes "HOW EASY IT IS TO BE UNHAPPY"!

But this story is not about our usual never ending unhappiness, but about this girl named Ujjwala. She is not more than 22 years of age, good looking, soft spoken, lively, kiddish and happy go lucky kind of girl. Though she is not lucky by even the worst standards of luckiness. She works for her meagre living and i wondered why is she not like most of the 22 year old women in India, who think that they should work only if they feel like doing it but not out of need, and by any chance if they have to then they are again the most unfortunate ones. (I am not generalising, but you know thats true). But this girl was working and was more than happy about it. She used to come work and go and sometimes used to accompany her child, 3-4 years old. The great country ours is where Yes we still have child marraiges. Still she was happy and loved her child. One day out of courtesy i asked her to get her phone recharged and i will pay if required. She laughingly said its battery is damaged. With same smiling face she continued that her little child is not getting admission in school, beacuse of some mistake in form filling and thats why she is tensed. Also the authority person is asking donation (read bribe) of Rs.15000 to get her child admitted. I thought for a minute and asked what does your husband do. She poker faced no expression, he is "off". I asked "off"? She lifted her hand in air, and i guessed "expired"? and she said "haan". All this while she seemed fine, no emotional overreaction, no feeling of pity on herself, no nothing. And then again lost in the thought, how to get her little son admitted in school.

This is not something which i heard, or read but i faced it. I was numb. I was numb at how brave this single poor girl is, who is mother of a child, who wants that her son should study, who is being bribed by our self-righteous society (people who later shouts jai mata di at temple), who doesn't have any shoulder to cry upon, and who is fighting everybattle of her life alone and is not cursing her destiny or God for all that happened. I was numb at how even the smallest of shortcomings in life makes me feel like what kind of life is this. I was numb at how the worst social evils like child marraige are still thriving in society. I was numb at how someone can ask bribe from a girl who have to work twice a day at i dont know how many houses just so that she and her son can have their food. I dont know what will happen to her after 20 years. May be she will survive for the sake of her son, who will grow up as one able person. May be she will succumb and something awful will happen. I shudder to imagine how i would have survived if i was there in place of her. But i am sure of one thing. At this moment of time she is more happy, more able, more deserving and more brave than me. I know people would say that its the circumstances which make you what you are, but i'll choose to differ and still believe that she is better human being than lot of us. Everything around her is trying to make her feel miserable, but whenever i will think about her i will just wonder " HOW EASY IT IS TO BE HAPPY"!

Once upon a time..... (Part I)

Once upon a time in mumbai, there was this guy called Abhay. He was 25-26 yers of age, living alone in the city. He never wanted to be a part of this city but then as they say what happens in life is what you least expect out of it. So he was working in this place and was least expected to go anywhere else out of the city. He, like every college passout, encountered the realms of life which is not exactly as poetic as one wonders in childhood days. Childhood taught him what the dreams are, teenage made him built dreamy glasshouses and now he was witnessing how they shatter. He still have some hopes for him, he still want to do some stuff in life, he's still trying to keep those lamps of enthusiam enlightened, but then everyday somebody, whether his parents, his friends, his boss, his colleagues, makes him believe that what he believed in him, were just some random thoughts which his mind stewed up just to fill the vacant gaps of time. He's not going to become what he is not born as. Every person has some mean around which his life revolves and then some deviation which bound him by upper and lower limits, but then your mean is what you are born with. Abhay was born with an average mean. He was destined to live a life of that average mean, it doesnt matter if what he wanted was a life of extremes, good or bad, great or worst but not average. But then somethings are not meant to be governed by you, destiny my friend is one of them.

I dont know what will happen to him. If this 25 years old lad will lead a life that destiny has written for him, or may be what the future holds is a different destiny in itself. Abhay believes in destiny, but the thing about destiny is that it always get proved in retrospect. You can't trust destiny beacuse its always right. Abhay is a strong headed guy. He won't lose it that easily, but then for how long will he hold himself? There are questions, questions which only time can answer. So we will best leave them to time only. I will love to see what this world has in store for him, or what he has in store for this world. For now i am as ignorant as you are and Abhay is also as ignorant as we all are, but then ignorance is bliss, right! For time being let's believe in this saying, and sail through the sea of time on this leaf of ignorance. Lets see where it takes Abhay, we are following him anyways!!!

A Journey To Remember........

It started with a bang its ending with a blast. Today at the last day of NITIE when its all over, the masti , the parties, the bakar, the night outs, the booze, after effects of booze(trust me there can be a separate article for this), the sessions at pond, the lines at mess , the nescafe maggi at 3’O clock in night along with placements and so called studies (in the sequential order) , i was thinking how i have changed and grown in the last 2 years. Still remember the first day here, quite nervous, full of doubts, nobody to know, and the feeling of intense home sickness. It took time but the things turned out better from worse and eventually better to great. There was this whole new gamut of people with different thoughts and background. Things happened quickly and they were usually over before anybody of us was prepared or it. The first exams, the summer placement season, the next two module, and before any of us could realize an year was over. Another mind boggling experience was waiting at Coke. To be precise can be summed up in two lines. Lot of presentations and plenty of thums up and coke. The internship ended and we were back at college. This time the feeling was different. We were glad to be back at our second home. And then began the tours and trips from trekking to beaches to pubs to birthday parties leading to all possible kind of restaurants and all kind of drinks. The next two modules were like meant for doing whatever you haven’t done yet in your life. Days and days nothing to do, classes meant for bunking and exams for creative writing. Hundreds of proxies short attendances in almost every subject and the legendary locking of proff outside the door. And it all happened in my MBA. Those were good times infact great times but next was the time we all dreaded, the final placement season. Preparations started on the part of placement committee by pitching for companies and on the part of us by discussing all possible kind of philosophies of life and what is actually needed for being happy. And as the time approached the tension kept on building. But the fascinating fact about life is what you keep on thinking and building for years take minutes to be over. One day i wake up and find myself placed. It was over and it was hard to believe. I always knew i will get placed but with such smoothness was a surprise. In a matter of 3 days the whole batch was placed. Those sessions of philosophies were now looking like waste of time that could have been utilized for few more hang outs and parties. And now when that feeling of excitement has subsided, a new feeling has taken me over. The feeling of nostalgia for the end of this golden period of life. Its strange the place you never knew 2 years before is now the place you never want to leave but every good thing ends and so does NITIE. I will miss to be in the most beautiful campus of India (literally), the most beautiful people i met and the most beautiful life i have lived out here.
I still remember a line from one of my friend “There are institutes, there are good institutes, there are great institutes ....and then there is NITIE”

i LOVE you

I love the mysteries, the surprises, the nuisance, the spontaneity, the courage, the hopefulness. I love the way you make me win the biggest of victories when i have surrendered it all. I love the way you bring me back to earth when my feet are in seventh heaven. I love the way you make my eyes moist when i am having the heartiest of laughs. I love the way you make me laugh at the stupidity of mine. I love it when the music of the guitar rhymes with that in the air. I love it when the silence soothes me in despair. I love to talk to the people i don’t know at all. I love to sit quiet when others are opening their heart. I love to preach the knowledgeable of all. I love to learn from the one who has seen it all. I love to find the lessons in the silliest of things. I love to negate the very existence of things. I love to hate it when you make me win. I love to fight for the cause big or small. I love to decipher your meaning your thoughts. I love to find the meaning of yours. I love it when they call you the riddle. I love it when they try to solve the riddle. I love to watch when stars wink at me. I love to watch when chords sing with me. I love to know people fight for love. I love it when they don’t know what is right what is wrong. I love to think like the craziest man on earth. I love to feel like one. I love you for all your shortcomings. I love you for all your misgivings.
IN SHORT...............I LOVE YOU LIFE!

The loser

everytime i fail, i am bound to succeed,
this success i know is bound to retrieve.
my life has become a vicious circle
i neither cherish failure nor success....

They say accidents make opportunities, failures lead to success, darkness is followed by light, night by sun,in essence its the bad that leads to good and so make us believe that bad is not as bad as it seems to be.

Now sitting in this class for " seismic and wind analysis for column design" i was just analysing the analogous failures and the analogous forces that led to the failures in my life.Starting with the failures , there were many which i could think of in first thought. Be it in studies, relations, career,friends,sports etc. etc.... i have had plenty of them and the most recent , two consecutive ones in CAT.But as me being an ardent fan of Mr Devanand " mai zindigi ka saath nibhata chala gaya, har zakhm ko dhune mein udata chala gay.. jo mil gaya usi ko mukaddar samjh liye, jo naa mila use ,mai bhulata chala gaya". So following this philosophy,in retrospect all other failure have nullified, ofcourse except the last one.

Now coming to the analogous forces, as in colums there are always two types of loads acting on a person i.e static and dynamic.Now the static are the steady forces acting unidirectionally leading to bending of the person i.e a man loses his false sense of ego or atttiude and come to terms with life.But as all my engineer friends know, dynamic loads which are more dangerous acts in both direction and swings a person between the extremes of success and failures.That leads to the fatigue loading and an early finish.

So my life deals with the latter one, and hence everytime i come to terms with my life, some success small or big brings me back to my default state.Now some can understand why my successes which were always led by big failures are more dangerous as compared to the people who have been a bit less successful but even lesser a loser than me.The only problem with dynamic forces is that if it leads you to good time then it will definitely make you bounce back to the time you fear.

But then as i started" bad is not as bad as it seems to be" every bad will lead to some hope and the life continues.........

Being egoist

after a long break...comes the reason to write......reason to glorify, glorify something like selfishness.

As Ayn Rand puts it " man's ego is the fountainhead of human progress". Here ego stands for me, me and only me. Now the oxford defines egoist as "a person who thinks or talks too much about himself or herself".But thinking or talking can hardly play any role in justifying human progress.Actions can.So going by the Rand's statement its the actions that defines human ego or the vice versa?

Now my Ego pushes me to think does my actions define human progress or is it just another ego with small 'e'.Who is actually an Egoist?

Now if i dont care about whoever is reading it or for whose sake am i writing then i am an egoist, if opinions doesnt matter but reasons do then i am an egoist,if appreciation is as awful as criticism then i am an egoist,if failure doesnt exist and success doesnt effect then i am an egoist.

If i dont care about the human progress or human destruction, yes then i am an egoist.

A new born child, an uncut diamond, the drops of dew, the unrevealed island,the unscaled peaks all of these not distorted by anyone, untouched are the real Egoist.

Egoism doesnt implies progress, egoism doesnt implies selfishness, it even doesnt implies selflessness, egoism is purity, individualism with capital 'I'.

HAPPY FRIEN'HIP DAY

Yesterday was another D day gone with all its hullabaloo.Another market gimmick like the brother days viz. valentine's day, mother's day,father's day and add if you want to son's day, daughter's day, foe's day,eating day, drinking day, sleeping day.....................(don't worry you will get cards for all these occasions at the nearest archies gallery).

Now don't get me wrong, i am not the member of shiv sena or vishwa hindu parishad and definitely not a fanatic who finds it hard to swallow what brings joy to others.I too wish my friends "same to you" when somebody wishes HFD.I too don't get the point when few patriots try to prove all their patriotism and respect for their traditions by narrowing down to hooliganism, embarassing couples or vandalizing shops all in the name of preserving their culture from the invasion of western society.But neither do i understand when a 10 year boy says "mom can i buy a friendship band" and on being asked why he says "don't you know today is frien'ship day".

All you supporters of these festivals(as many of you find it better than Diwali or Holi) can anybody please tell who told this young chap that you need to exchange friendship bands on this auspicious day.And if this chap is too young to understand and may be is inspired by SRK's KKHA fling, what about all we mature, intelligent and responsible people who spend massive sums to buy roses and whatever on the valentine's or mother's day.Does it make sense to buy a rose for 100 bucks just because tommorow it wont be the same special day.Or for that matter is their anything like the love or repect for someone is at its peak for a particular day of year and after that it fades off.

I agree that you need to express your love to your mother, father, friends or beloved and these days gives an ample opportunity for the same,but you don't need to fix a date for the same. Do it whenever you feel like expressing or whenever your pocket is full, may be 1st of every month. In addition you wont have to worry about the Samaj Sewak's moral policing as they wont be aware of when is your valentine's day.

Now thats a good idea,isn't it..................anyway i got my first salary today so Happy friendship day!

MADHUSHALA

STATUTORY WARNING: This post is exclusively for the tipplers or who want to be in future.I am not under influence of any alcohol while writing and all my views are personal.Nobody who disagree with me have to try or even think of trying alcohol in any of its form.

My recent encounters with alcoholic beverages in its various forms have made me realise the significance of madhushala.Now i can read between the lines when BachaanSaab writes"din ko holi raat diwali roz manaati madhushala" OR "bair badhaate mandir masjid male karaati madhushala".Wait a minute, let me tell you, i am not an alcohol addict and neither intend to be.I don't drink to forget my house address or to land up in gutter.Also i am not some sort of devdaas trying to forget Paro and reciting "kaun kambakht bardaash karne ke liye peeta hai"(to me it hardly matters if she is Paro or Chandrmukhi).I am perfectly aware of the injurious effects of alcohol on lever and other social consequences.
Despite of all these ill-effects i still stand by madhushala.Though its hard to justify the inebrianting effects of alcohol without trying it yourself i would try to narrate the experience.The first time you take a sip and will shriek"What a tart fluid" and a few more sips and the taste buds of your tongue are finding it good.Gradually all the bitterness is gone.The nervous system of your body is relaxing with all its euphoric effects.The whole earth seems spinning around you.You are now unaware of the world around you, its miseries, its pain.Now it doesn't matter whether you are rich or poor, you are black or white, you are hindu or muslim.You are un-conscious of what other thinks about you, does anybody loves you or hate you, whether there is any future or past.All these things are immaterial.Now what matters is present.You don't care about anybody.You have risen above the mundane desires and are on the path towards salvation.You are nearer to yourself....you are nearer to GOD.
The ill-effects of madhushala becomes so trivial when it induces so much of benevolence in a man,when only few pegs of whisky brings you so much close to The All Mighty.For me alcohol is as pure and innocuous as love.Love also has its side effects , so do we stop loving?...then why drinking.
CHEERS!

HAPPYNESS

"This part of my life, ya this right here? it is called........happyness"these Will Smith words are ringing in my ears since the day i watched The pursuit of Happyness.The love, miseries and aspirations of a father and son, till the father land up into the long strived job of a stock broker.That was the day he detached happiness from his pursuit of happiness.His face austerely stern, eyes filled with tears, heart wanting to explode and legs waiting to fly.This was the first time in his life when he actually realised how it feels to be happy.

We all are living with our own pursuits.Pursuit of a good job, pusruit of a good college, pursuit of money, pursuit of desirable spouse,pusuit of secure future,pursuit of good life.But in all these pursuits, the pursuit of happiness is lost somewhere.We have forgotten how to be happy which our ancestors knew quite well.Ask yourself when was the last time you felt happy.When was the last time when you were finding it hard to stop the tears from rolling down your eyes beacause you were overwhelmed with joy.When was the last time you thought that this was what i was living for and even if my heart beat stops here its worth dying.I am sure all of us have had these majestic feelings, but how many times?Four five or may be ten .....not more than that.These five or ten moments are the most wonderful moments of one's life.The moments when the whole world seems to be yours, the moments when you feel like thanking God for this life.These are the moments which constitue life....Yes this is life, this is HAPPYNESS.